Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize