Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
