she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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