I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
