i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize