This girl is more easily done than said...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
