Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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