Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
