I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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