I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
