Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
