Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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