According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
