I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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