Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
