It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
