Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
