Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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