I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
