I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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