i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
