I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
