It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dicks are not precious.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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