how can u be prego again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
