when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
