she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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