oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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