No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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