I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
