hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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