Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He passed out mid-signature
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
