I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
