I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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