dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
