OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
