I wish I could punch you in the face.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
