he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize