Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
this is an emotional support booty call
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
