Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
