I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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