youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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