I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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