sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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