Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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