THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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