He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
