I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
