I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
