Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
