i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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