dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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