i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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