hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
