If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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