we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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