I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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