I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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