Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
