what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
