the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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