no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm too high and old for this...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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