so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
